5.58 a.m.

is when my eyes were first open today and they are willing me to let them shut. I had a 7 a.m. washing slot and I wanted to get it in before the little ones woke up. So after Fajr prayers and getting the boys up for school I raced down to the cellar. It was probably a little before 7 a.m. when the machines got going but I hope the neighbours will forgive me.... Why? you might ask, would you want to do washing at this mad time, but the heating is being fixed in our block and I don't have a tumble drier so have to use downstairs, and I think everyone else is doing the same so there's no decent slots and and oh I'm getting bored....enough of Swedish laundry room talk...
These blog posts are getting fewer and further between, and I spend much brainpower trying to work out how I can make more efficient use of time. It seems increasingly hard to come by. What is the reason?one word: Hz
Today he manged to climb into his high chair via the stool and sit himself in it quite nicely. The other day he managed to tip the IKEA high chair down, which thankfully I was near enough by to catch it, and it hadn't been one of my lax days where I'd not bothered with the belt. He does this thing of rocking back and forward in it, and often falls asleep this way (sounds a bit Russian orphanage, but really, he likes it). So he rocked so violently that the whole thing fell forward, despite the legs being designed to give stability and trip up unsuspecting adults as a side effect.
He also manages to pull himself round the kitchen whilst in the chair to check out things like the knives in the sink.
First proper 'emergency' trip to the doctor's last week (inevitable (he's a male)) was when he'd pulled the stone attachment to the barbeque on to his finger and cut it, breaking the top bit of his fingernail off. In the end the nurse wasn't too concerned and now I've given up with the plasters as he just pulls/ bites them off.

Things I can't do when he's awake (without major stress)
go on computer
cook
sew
fold washing
tidy up
wash floor
make phone calls
and it goes on


Things I can do, unharrassed, when Hz is awake:
wash up
hoover (though he gets scared of the noise)
play with him

yes in an ideal, romantic, totally unrealistic world, playing with him should be what we are mostly doing. My trip to the park was in hope of some play and a safer environment than the kitchen appliance laden home, but ended in a trip to the doctor's .
I know it's a phase, I know it's no fault of his and it's normal and it's a test of patience, but the words NERVOUS, BREAKDOWN, no , no, no,
but S replied to one of my (joking) statements:I paraphrase 'But the orphanage won't cope with this behaviour'

Hz, I love you and that's why I'm still sane..

You know how blogs tend to show..

those dreamy days of summer, plucking cherries from the trees in our park (after over 5 years here I realised how close our PYO really was)

Tree climbing and hugging...

and just getting the chance to go 'wow, mashaAllah' .

and do a bit of arty stuff...

Well, below the contrast of in and outside is shown as if waking from that dream into :

REALITY OF LIVING WITH A ONE YEAR OLD :

The blockades...

The only way to prevent acrobatics from kitchen tables...

aargh..

aaaaaargh!

AAAAAARGH!!

I am still here

Just a quick post, as I haven't had much energy nor opportunity to post recently. MIL went back to Pakistan about 3 weeks ago (so back to reality again with housework/ entertaining Hz) and I've been ill with flu/ colds/ sore throats/ headaches/ eyelid eczema/ backache, Alhamdulillah not everything simultaneously. Hz has also gone from being the best sleeper to the worst, requiring me to lie with him in my bed to fall asleep. This then requires me to wait until he is asleep enough for me to transfer him to the cot, as he's had 2 escapades finding out about falling off beds after waking up, crawling about, and me not being there to realise this. The first time ended with him laughing, I don't know what happened there, but the last (and I hope the very last) ended in tears. So if , no I mean, when he wakes up in the night, he will not sleep if left in his cot. He has an extremely loud and sometimes angry cry and inevitably he ends up in with me. During the day he's Mr Mobile, coasting along the sofa and coffee table. He's now also developed his commando crawl into somthing more conventional (and a lot easier on the elbows I'd think).
So amongst this heavy, cloudy head of mine, I've been mostly preoccupied with trying to find somewhere bigger to live (at least 150 people after every flat I apply for:( ), and trying to get on top of the mess in the house. This feels like I'm going backwards on a treadmill.
H had another trip to A and E on Wednesday. He was a bit too enthusiastic to help me cook some sausages, and threw one into the hot oil, and it splattered out of course . So he has a few burns on his face. It was v painful for him, poor boy. He has to stay out of the sun for a year to avoid scarring getting discoloured, so now I'm hoping for a rainy summer. That made the decision for us that if we go anywhere this summer it'll probably be the UK!
Just finished my bowl of pear and vanilla yoghurt with oats, my treat at the end of the day when all the kids have finally gone to bed (sometime after 11pm). Oh dear what has life come to eh? Tommorrow is another day..

Finally got online..

Recently life seems to be one blur of sorting kids out, half-hearted attempts at stopping night feeds, and carrying on with the daily grind of feeding, washing, cleaning (not the feather duster type but the the sort which has to be done. Otherwise it will be more difficult to remove later or just downright unhygenic: e.g. splattered Weetabix, pee puddles, mud brought in on the soles of shoes).
I was thinking of writing something intelligent about bilingualism as little things I'm noticing have brought the subject to my mind. S has now twice had to ask me what an English word is for a Swedish word he does know. M has always mixed the two languages and quite happily talks to me in Swedish, but only now and again. He often comes out with things the teachers say in what sounds like an accurate impersonation of their accent and tone! Some of the things they say when pushed to limits by the behaviour of the kids are quite funny to hear! They won't be able to get away with anything, M has got it in his memory.
H has been going less often to nursery recently. He's always reluctant and the time to pick him up is often when I feel like lying down, so I let him stay at home. So his use of Swedish at home is limited.
Biryani speaks English all the time, although the odd word picked up from M has been used:e.g.'snälla' which means something like 'please' when begging for something like a biscuit. Otherwise she speaks English with a slight American tone, saying the 'r' in car, and a short 'a' in for example 'class'. Too many cartoons methinks.
Most of the other children we know are from bilingual families, but I rarely hear them speaking their mother/ other tongue, it's usually Swedish. Mine are the only ones who openly use their mother tongue between siblings in public, it appears. Is it the apparent status English has as a language here? Is it because both parents are quite poor at Swedish so they hardly use it at home? Does having TV from the UK rather than Swedish on a larger proportion of the time have an effect? (S groaned when he used to have TV homework where he had to watch something on the Swedish kids TV). It's all quite fascinating to me, but I shall have to stop typing now as Hz is proceeding to find out how electricity works (i.e. attack the computer wires and plugs)!

Ups and downs

I often wonder why it feels like there are not enough hours in the day. Even the smallest of plans seem hard to fit in to the everyday drudgery which necessarily repeats itself. Washing clothes, preparing food, it just has to be done. Only by doing these tasks more efficiently can there be a bit more time spare. I laugh to myself as I read advice for parents of young children to do only the bare basics so you have time to rest. What less can I do?, the house looks like burglars came and turned the place over. I can just ignore it and I am doing so as I write and otherwise not much would be written. But cluttered house= cluttered mind and I need to have some clarity in thinking to progress right now. I was discussing with S about how others in the neighbourhood have new cars etc, and this led to discussing double incomes. He perked up when I said if I worked we could have a lot more money. I even looked up mother-tongue teacher job posts. I thought this is me being pro-active in trying to get us out of this stress-inducing situation, that being the flat bursting at the seams with people, their stuff, need for personal space..

This is me writing after a weekend indoors, with poor little Hz with a sore throat and me fighting every type of microorganism. This is Winter in Sweden (again),

Alhamdulillah,

and I am waiting for the broadcast from Makkah to lift my spirits.

On a lighter note, my prayers were answered as yesterday the 'no satellite signal received' came up on the TV. You'd think I could just say 'No' to the TV, but with a concrete reason behind me, it's much easier as there's no point in debates. We even played Top Trumps with each other, and today I thought I should spend some more time with Biryani as I feel I'm expecting her to occupy herself too much. So we made Top trumps cards out of a toy catalogue. She was quite good with the sticking, and I wrote the headings: Price, Batteries, and Fun. I'd actually suggested to S he make some, but got no response. But as often is the case in order to get kids interested in something, I have to start doing it first. Once I'd done the cards myself, and they'd enjoyed playing them, they ( M& S) went on to make some more themselves, adding the category 'strength' (i.e. ability to stay intact at hands of siblings). A stretchy Scooby Doo was top at that.

Other things I've noticed to get reluctant participants to participate

• Make quizzes to test parents on knowledge (e.g. on Arabic word meanings!)
  
• Posh pens (calligraphy) to encourage writing.
  
• Use of percentage or number goals
  

  e.g Rosetta Stone gives you the percentage correct of each section, M goes back and does it again until he gets 100%,
  

  Arabic reading practice, at the end of each page a word total is given and it accumulates so that after a few pages it shows a high number of read.
  

• Use of a timer, good for getting tasks done (e.g. ready for bed)
  

  Hz is rolling front to back and back to front now, likes to stand being held and even stood a few seconds balanced against the coffee table the other day. Solids are going down well and sleep is generally OK, just last night he woke a lot due to his illness.
  

  Now I should sleep, tomorrow I have to rethink the monthly task sheet, redo the menu plan, and I want to finish an information sheet about Eid for nursery so they can talk about something other than Christmas (yes advent started today I think, well there were some very loud fireworks and the tree lights are on).

Highs and lows

MashaAllah, I'm happy that my children are remaining children, not growing up too fast, not losing their childhood. But the other day my eldest came home from school a little sad. His classmate who's a year older had been teasing him that he din't know anything about drugs were, even 'snuss' which is tobacco/ snuff stuff theyhave here in Sweden. So I'm googling to find something appropriate to give him the information, because forewarned is forearmed I suppose. Does anyone know a good website at a 10-11 year old's level? (Swedish and/or English).
Generally I'm feeling a sense of 'disquiet' at the moment, seem to be getting all over-anxious about things. The house being so full of mess, not feeling I have enough time or energy to do much with the kids (former due to them being at school, latter due to having no 5).
Alhamdulillah.
And it's only Ramadhan keeping on track with ibadah that makes me feel I am 'achieving' something.
But in fact Hz is sleeping pretty well. he can go 6-7 hours at night without waking, and he's started sucking his thumb which should help with sleeping, rather than having me as a dummy.
He's found his hands and has started lashing around with them so much that I've had to find a nail file to sort out his fingernails, to stop him scratching himself so often. Cutting them wasn't working, it's so hard with little fingers that are being flailed about to do it properly.
Biryani's potty training, uh oh, this has gone out the window and back into nappies, and also started doing poos in them which she never did when we were first training. I know its normal regressive bahaviour due to baby arriving, but its v difficult and strange to clean her (after she's sat down in her dirty nappy, ugh) after such a long time using the potty for number 2's.
Other regressive feature is she's started speaking with sound immaturities e.g 'fis' for 'fish' and sometimes 'labbit' for 'rabbit'.
Ho hum
It's the last 10 days now of Ramadhan. InshaAllah we can make the most of it...